my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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