neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
