You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
