I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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