I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
