she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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