you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
