did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
