do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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