So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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