after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
