Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
