based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
