Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
