The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
