your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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