The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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