isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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