we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
