went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
only you would photoshop your dick
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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