wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
