enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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