Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
