what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
