This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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