can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
