i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Randomize
