i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
The ass gains better be worth it
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
