Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
