my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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