Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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