If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
