Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
