big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
fuck your aforementioned shoe
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
