i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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