i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
