Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
