im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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