He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
