I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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