Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
