Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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