I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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