girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
two words...techno handjob
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My vagina is officially offended.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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