i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
