I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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