i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
