Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
