so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
