My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
