i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
