he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
