Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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