My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Randomize
