As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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