I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
